Well, it’s been a bloody awful day today.

Woke up to find that some asshat snuck into our yard in the night and sliced a big hole in the side of our swimming pool.  It was just one of those 3′ deep vinyl models, but it cost us the equivalent of a month’s worth of electricity AND water bills, and the kids were practically living in it they loved it so much.  I’d just like to say a big “thanks” to whoever it is that saw fit to wantonly destroy that little bit of someone else’s happiness.

{I sincerely hope, dear readers, tht I don’t need to turn on the sarcasm alert for ya’ll to recognize it in this instance.}

Then, after a refeshing visit to the insurance company where we were priviliged to sign a new homeowner’s policy costing twice as much and offering significantly less coverage than our old policy (We felt lucky that the new premium was only twice the cost of the old one; we were expecting the cost to triple.  Welcome to Florida!), I went with my Mom to visit my Grandmother in the hospital.

She’s been in for about a week already, dangerously ill with pneumonia, but when I last saw her two days ago she was improving steadily and talking about being moved from CCU into a regular room.  Today she’s unconscious, on a respirator, and receiving a total of 4 pints of plasma and 4 pints of whole blood due to having been bleeding internally from who knows where.  She’s an old bird, been in failing health for years, but…well, it’s still  a wrench.

I can’t even find it in myself to be cheerful about the fact that my lesbian friend came (and I mean that in the “biblical” sense) over this weekend.  I will try to write more about the good stuff after the bad stuff quits piling on so thickly.

And even the Sunnis and Shias do it.

Ever hear of Misyar?  Or Nikah Mut’ah?  These are varieties (each faction has it’s own version, tailored to suit the dictates of it’s own religious dogma) of temporary marriages, legally accepted by Islamic, sharia-based governments.  Marriages which, it has been argued, exist essentially to allow people to have sex without the traditional obligations of marriage.

I won’t make any comments on these institutions from a feminist point of view; that’s for the women who live in these cultures to do (try googling arab woman blog if you’re interested).  Suffice to say that from what I know I would rather be a whore in my world than married (or unmarried) in theirs.  The point is that even in societies where sex outside of marriage is punishable by death there is some allowance made, some recognition of the importance of plain old sex.

I once knew a man whose very strong Christian convictions included the idea that any sex apart from that with his wife was dreadfully, horribly wrong.  Any sex at all, we’re talking even masturbation.  When I met him, this man had become so obsessed with his own repressed desires that he was doing really stupid shit - the kind of shit that could have lost him his marriage and his important job in an organization which insisted on adherence to Christian dogma - to satisfy those desires.  He used to argue endlessly with me, insisting that sex was just not that necessary, until finally I pointed this out:  if sex wasn’t that vital to him, then why was he on the verge of throwing away everything else for the sake of it?  My friend stepped back a bit after that, began to allow himself some sensuality, but when I last spoke to him he was still (as far as I know) refusing to allow even such a basic satisfaction as masturbating.  It’s my guess (and I could be wrong here), that he continues his secret, shameful indulgences to this day…and continues to berate himself for them. 

The most ironic thing, in this case, is that the guy phrased all this in terms of love.  He felt that anything other than sex with the Mrs. was a betrayal of their vows of love.  Yet his insistence on toeing the dogmatic line caused twenty years of sexual dissatisfaction for both partners.  Harldly a testament to the glorious-ness of married relations.  If he had been willing to practice sex by masturbating (it’s not something you’re born good at, you know!), he might have found a solution to his problem of shooting off too soon.  Had he been willing to masturbate, he might have given her the freedom to do so, and hence given her the tools to teach them both how to have a better sexual relationship (a woman cannot tell a man how best to please her if she does not know herself).  Had he been accepting of his own sexual needs, of his own sexual fantasies, he could have had full and open communication for all those twenty years instead of the nest of secrets he held inside.  Without the rule of dogma his love could have been so much greater.

I do not expect my thoughts to ever have any credibility with the monotheistically-minded, because I will not pretend to believe that there is One True God when my doubts are so plentiful.  But I often wonder, of those who profess to believe that this planet and all on it are the work of a single benevolent Creator, why the fanatical clinging to dogma that flies in the face of the Evidence of Creation?  What is there that makes the Bible (or the Qur’an, or whatever Book you follow) a more authentic source for knowing God’s expectations than the earthworm, the slime mold, or the bonobo chimp?  Even for the True Believer the former may have been “inspired” by God, but the latter was indisputably made by God.  We’re talking the difference between genuine Chanel and a cheap knock-off here folks.  Why would you sell your soul for the rip-off, when the true gift lies all around you, free for the understanding? 

If I were to wake up tomorrow and find myself recognized as the Daughter of God, Messiah to the masses, I would propose a faith based on the “book” of Creation.  You want to see the glory of God?  Go spend half an hour watching the ants in their labours.  You want to give thanks to God?  Do something to nurture the world, to increase the diversity and health of life on it instead of cutting down more trees to print more holy books, or, God forbid, blasting huge swathes of landscape into lifelessness to prove the rightness of your views.  You want to know what God wants from you?  Well, God gave you a brain, didn’t He?  The capacity to reason?  If God wants you happy (the definition of benevolent Creator), and He gave you these tools, then it follows you ought to use them.  Study what makes people (and other animals, after are we humans ARE animals too) happy…then arrange for there to be more of it.  Don’t just unquestioningly accept the authority of anybody who claims to speak for God, and especially don’t accept the dictates of those whose advice demonstrably goes against the evidence of creation, and against the evidence of human happiness.

So I’m trolling through the Craigslist listings for my town in the “Services: Erotic” category, and I come across this little bit of inanity:

“I do not understand all of these “BBW” providers - and the prices they charge. BBW = fat - why would you pay to go to a BBW provider, when you can just pick up some fat drunk chick at a bar? Chances are the local dive has a fat chick that is cleaner, and free. “

Now this kind of crap pops up all the time, on every adult-oriented board, list, or forum I’ve ever visited.  And usually I just ignore it, figuring that the dimwits who post such nonsense don’t have the capacity for rational thought (or good manners!) so any argument would be lost on them.  I dunno what made me respond this time, it’s not even the most obnoxious fat-bashing post I saw that day on Craigslist.  Maybe I’m feeling a little extra bitchy cause my period’s almost due.  Anyhow, I felt compelled to respond:

“Because all the fat girls are so beaten down by attitudes like yours that very few of them have any confidence at all in their sexuality. Guys who like big girls are looking for the perfect passionate, sexy, adventurous playmate that you are - some drunken insecure bar dweller is not any more to their taste than it would be to yours. And, of course, this explains the high prices too - sexually confident fat girls are rarer even than real TS’s, and a whole lot rarer than dime-a-dozen fake-titted, bleach-blonde, scrawny bimbos.

What I want to know is why jackasses like you think it’s ok to go around in public places like this, posting idiotic and hurtful crapola like you have? Did you think you were doing anybody a favor, really? I mean, none of the fat admirers (and yes, FAT admirers is exactly what they call themselves) come around bitching about how the thin girls (whom you no doubt think of as normal) look like they just vacationed at Auschwitz and really ought to go and eat a sandwich, do they? Or wondering how any straight man can possibly be attracted to someone whose body (apart from the aforementioned fake tits) resembles a young boy’s more than a real woman’s? But it seems like every day there’s a new dickhead on any erotic board you visit who thinks it’s his sacred duty to tell all the fat girls to go starve themselves, and all the men who like them how stupid/abnormal/deluded they are.

Maybe it’s because they’re secretly attracted to fat girls, and hate themselves for it, so they make it all better by spewing vileness at the objects of their forbidden desires. Which, of course, is another reason why a guy might seek a bbw provider: it’s what he *really* lusts after but is too ashamed to be seen with as wife or girlfriend, thanks once again to the idiocy and just plain bad manners of people like you.”

And you know what the funniest part is?  Since posting my ad, my inbox has been flooded with responses from fat loving guys congratulating me for speaking up, and wanting to know if I do escort work.

Saw this in the news today:

JACKSON, Wyo. - Every year, as the sun sets on the Teton County Fair, the moons come out: as many as 10 streakers at the demolition derby on the fair’s last day. This year, law enforcement officers are pledging a crackdown.

Teton County Attorney Steve Weichman said a growing number of people have told him they didn’t think that “drunk, crazy and naked streaking” is a “great, normal, fun thing.”

Opposition to the streaking has grown since last year’s derby, he said, when a deputy used a Taser to apprehend John Chase Rogers, 21, dropping him to the dirt as he streaked with a fire extinguisher before a crowd of 3,500.

Posters at the fair office warn that at this year’s fair, any public nudity will bring a charge of misdemeanor child endangerment, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Attorney David DeFazio spoke out against last year’s Taser incident and questioned the need for a crackdown this year.

“I just question whether a couple of streakers at a county fair in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, is objectionable to accepted standards of decency,” he said.

But Jackson Police Chief Dan Zivkovich said streaking doesn’t have to be tolerated. “We just think it’s time to take control of the event again and say this really is intended to be a family event,” he said.

OK now, which of these sights do you think is most likely to be disturbing to a child:  the sight of a drunk naked guy running around in public, or the sight of a drunk naked guy being tazered by cops?

Hint:  how likely do you think it is that the average four year old will embarass you by dropping his drawers in front of anybody and everybody?

Gay marriage is a moot point.  For all the arguments and fuss, the truth is that the entire concept of gender as an opposite-and-clearly-divided-poles thing, the very foundation of the religious right’s “traditional” marriage, is dying out.

It’s not only the way in which the social roles of men and women have merged either, though there’s been an awful lot of that about.  Medical technology has progressed to the point where it is virtually impossible (at least without medical tests) to distinguish between the born male or female and the made one.  What becomes of the sacred cow of traditional marriage, when one of the partners goes from being the opposite sex to being the same sex?  Is that union suddenly nullified, never worthy of having been blessed in the first place?

The transexual population is growing, and a substantial number of people are choosing to become neither male nor female, but another gender entirely.  This will, I believe, ultimately turn out to be the larger population as these sorts of transformations do not necessarily require the radical and expensive medical procedures which are typical of full sex reassignment.  Furthermore, as the field of genetic manipulation becomes commercialized (as it inevitably will), I believe we will see things that we can only begin to speculate about now.  How can you frame the debate as marriage = 1 man + 1 woman vs. marriage = 2 committed lovers when the people in question are as likely to be a feathered biped and an ocean-dwelling furry thing?  Requiring such fanciful beings to adhere to strict notions of “male” and “female” seems downright silly.  

This, of course, is what really terrifies the fundies.  All their public bluster right now may be about gay marriage, but they’re trained to work in steps, to sneak their Jesus-based version of Sharia law in while regular folks are looking the other way.  Interesting though, isn’t it, that the folks who claim to speak for God have so much less imagination than God does?  I mean, whatever being created this planet had no problem at all with oddities of gender and sexual expression.  This is the being that created earthworms (bisexual hermaphrodites), anemone fish (change their sex so they can mate with whoever happens by), and slime molds (500 different “sexes”).  God obviously doesn’t have a problem with all this stuff, so why do “his” people have such difficulty with it?

You ask me, it’s because organized religion isn’t really the voice of God - it’s the voice of the other guy.

I know I rant all the time about porn, sex work, etc, but you know what I actually think is the number one problem with American governmental policies?  The so-called “War on Drugs.”  We insist on paying lip-service to an ill-thought-out and ineffective policy of prohibition which has the exact same results as prohibition did the last time we tried it - skyrocketing crime and corruption.  What makes it worse is that we (or at least those of us who’re blinded by faith) delude ourselves into thinking the policy is working, because the murderous gangs have not (openly) taken control of *our* towns.  No, we’ve managed to outsource the problem to Mexico and South America, where the death toll on a daily basis rivals (and perhaps exceeds, anybody know for sure?) that in Iraq.

 I have a radical solution to at least part of the problem.  Legalize marijuana…but only for those who grow it themselves.  Voila!  The stoners can legally get what they want, and those who imagine themselves fit to dictate everyone else’s moral standards get uncontrovertable proof that the stoners have paid for their high with the kind of committment and hard work that is allegedly the goal.  Not to mention the respect it would engender for the concept of private property.  Seriously, imagine what a pisser it would be if my idea passed and you spent four or six months caring for your closetful of plants only to have all your primo bud ripped off by your no-good roommate. 

I wish somebody would invent a remote control with a locator function.  A simple little button on the tv, dvd player, cable box, anything that has a remote control, that causes the remote to beep when pressed.  So you don’t have to stick your arm down the back of every dang piece of furniture in the room before hitting on the secret location the children chose to hide the clicker in this time.

In honor of another new addiction of mine, Penn & Teller’s Bullshit, I am introducing a new category of posts.  This category will be devoted to the stupidest, most nonsensical crap that I hear people saying every day.

Today’s bullshit is that classic gem which concerned (i.e. white, middle-class, religious) folks are always using to try and convince women to avoid sex work:  “don’t you realize you’re worth more than that?” 

Bullshit.  More than bullshit, it’s bull-fucking-shit.  Say you’re a young woman with minimal education and no connections.  Your choices?  A just-barely-above minimum wage job in a lovely establishment like Wal-Mart or some such, where the customers are reliably obnoxious and managment considers you a wholly expendable cog in the machinery?  A service-sector job like housecleaning maybe, something with a little less in the way of employer/customer crapola but even more physically gruelling and every bit as low paying?  (Have you ever tried making beds & scrubbing toilets for a living?  I have - it wears your body out fast.)  Or you can go to work for somebody like Joe Redner down at the Mons Venus, making as much money in a few nights as you would in a whole month at one of the other jobs available to you.  Putting up with a lot of crap, but, I repeat, making ten times the money.

Stripping, hooking etc for a living has it’s downside to be sure, but it seems to me (and to many, many others) that the shit you have to put up with to amount you earn ratio is pretty damn good.  And anybody who can’t comprehend this reality is, IMO, either a complete idiot or has never worked at the kind of crap job most people are condemned to.  The disingenuous exhortation ”you’re worth more than that!” can be roughly translated as follows:  “ *I* believe whores are worthless scum, and I would rather have you sell yourself even more cheaply to a big corporation than examine just why it is that I find sex so dangerous and disgusting.”

Whenever things go awry in my world this blog is the first thing to suffer.  In the past month I’ve had yet another vicious ear infection, my pc was in the shop for nearly three weeks and my backup pc (the one normally used by the rest of the family) suffered a meltdown as well. 

I finally got the pc back a couple days ago so I ought at this moment to be getting caught up on all the stuff I’ve got behind on.  Instead I am here to confess that I am addicted to this new (to me anyhow) BBC show Hex, which I have just finished watching.  I am almost ashamed to admit that I’ve developed such devotion for this Degrassi-meets-Dark-Shadows trifle.  (No, I am not a Buffy fan either.)  It’s quite easy to understand why I have though - it’s the lesbian ghost sidekick.

I am past the days when the mere presence of a queer character in a tv show would send me over the moon with delight, but the late Thelma is just so, so delectable.  Witchy powers or not, Cassie doesn’t deserve her. 

 I got what you need, Thelma baby.