Well, after months and months of utter neglect I have made up my mind.

 I’m sick to death of this blog.  It’s too damn ranty and doesn’t contain nearly enough gleeful female domination.  I’m a very different person now than when I started this two years ago, and I just don’t wanna write here any more.  So this will officially be the last entry.

 Stay tuned for the next phase in my evil plan to take over the world with kinky sex…The Kinky Courtesan

The mainstream US news media was delighted to tell us that we’d all be seeing a decrease in the amount of spam in our inboxes after the arrest of Robert Soloway, but it sure hasn’t made a bit of difference in the spam that vexes *ME* most, which is blog-comment spam.  This blog gets, on average, 100-200 spam comments a day; this has shot up to over 500 spam comments in the last 24 hours, and over 300 for every day since last Friday.

So if you’re wondering why you comments never seem to get posted, well, it’s because I oftentimes can’t find them under all that spam!  Some of them crack me up too…like the ones that try and make their comment look like a “real person” but the comment only says something generic like “love your site!” and then the same comment gets posted 17 times…all from the same name, although each time they use a different fake email address.  Or the ones where it’s just a run-on string of dozens of links to everything from “hardcore teen sluts” to “generic bible info”.  I am frankly astonished that spammers expect any success at all in selling whatever it is they’re selling with such clumsy tactics, but then I guess if you send out enough of the crap you’ll hit a sucker eventually.

Anyhow, those persons who vex me with blog-comment spam can take a cue from this pic (from my upcoming Chateau Cherie update - join me to see the rest!) and

KISS MY ASS!  bwahahahahaha!

To hell with catching up; right now the last thing I want to do is relive the past six (make that nine) months in any form.  I am resolved to post nothing but naughty fun for the rest of the summer, dammit!

And to get the ball rolling, I give you this…

I am preoccupied tonight with giantess fantasies.  You see, I’ve been looking into making videos for distribution on a pay-per-download site, and I’m intrigued by some of the niche categories.  I mean, who’d have thunk there’d be a real market for girls sneezing?  Anyway, the giantess category has caught my fancy…I could *SOOO* see myself all dolled up in a short short skirt and really big heels, stomping the hell out of matchbox cars and squashing little clay men betweeen my toes, bwahahahahaha!!!!!

Hoo boy, am I looking forward to our next weekend away.  ;-D 

Yes, I do realize that I went two months posting almost nothing.  As I’ve said before, when shit happens in my life this blog is always the first thing to go.

The shit that has happened in the last couple months includes the decision that my aspie son should be placed in a special ed class, which means he’s going to have to change schools.  I’ve spent a LOT of time lately investigating the different choices and agonizing about which is best for him.  Asperger’s is such a strange combination - in some ways he’s brilliant, but in other ways he’s quite retarded - which makes him as seriously out of place in most of the special ed classes as he is in a regular class.

(By the way, and not that I am going to go into this now but just FYI for any other aspies who may happen onto this blog - I’m an aspie too.)

There’s more classroom touring and official meeting to be done before the change is made, but hopefully the end result will be my family settling into a calmer, happier groove.

We’ve also had xmas of course, and with that 2 weeks of no school, which cuts down on mommy’s computer/working time dreadfully.  I don’t know how I ever managed before they started school and I am not at all surprised that I felt so crazy back then, trying to juggle it all.  I’m still disheartened by the lack of income from my business (especially as those bills are piling up faster and getting more urgent), but apart from that I am pretty content with the way things are going for Chateau Cherie Enterprises.  And mostly confident that if I keep doing what I’m doing the money will, eventually, come with it.

This xmas brought another big project as our big gift to our daughter was a puppet theatre.  Not just any puppet theatre either but a custom made (by mommy & daddy, naturally) full wall unit, with a play table and shelves galore.  She adores it and I adore anything that smooths the running of our daily lives, which all that extra storage certainly does.  It’s also very nice to be doing something to “fix up” our home, instead of helplessly watching the bits in need of fixing continue to deteriorate.  Money’s so tight that we literally can’t afford the materials to do the little repairs a house always seems to need, and this place was something of a fixer-upper when we moved in.  We had a comfortable xmas, materially speaking, because of the generosity of others who chipped in with contributions for the kids.

Since the only aspect of my enterprise that’s showing a solid profit is the live fetish session aspect, I have decided to focus more on that in coming months.  I feel that my career aspirations in the adult industry are coalescing around two prongs, which don’t seem to have all that much in common:  homemade bbw porn and female domination.  On the one hand, I love making amateur porn.  I particularly love being able to produce something that I think speaks to women, showing them that you don’t have to be a skinny barely-legal plasticized bimbo to be desirable or enjoy wanton hedonistic sex, and to couples, showing them that porn can enhance communication and enjoyment between partners.

I love making this kind of porn, I really do, and I have years and years worth of ideas left to explore in this “vanilla” realm.  But for my own personal satisfaction - what I really long to do, sexually speaking, and (mostly) am not doing - I am drawn back time and again to fedom.  Ravishing prettily dressed boys is what *I* fantasize about when I masturbate, and every time I get to play with a subguy, online or in person, I come away feeling more wholly myself, more accomplished and fulfilled, than with anything else.

Especially when I’m getting paid for it, lol!

So anyway, I am working on a new website specifically to advertise my services as a (semi)professional domina.  And finally, I also just registered a new domain - MyFatFeet.com - which I plan to develop eventually (I mean to go real slow with this one) into a little chubby foot fetish site.  I’ll post links here when it’s further along, but I think that this picture, from one of my December updates, could very well wind up on both of them:

Tasty, is it not?  There was a very nice feather stroking video too, which I may post a clip from later this week.  Or you can just join me now to see both gallery and video in their entirety.

{the previous post was written two days ago, but I hit the “save” button instead of “publish” :-p}

Sure enough, things continued to go awry.  Our car - which we’ve had for four years and which has never given us any trouble until recently - starts behaving badly again.  Our little boy comes down with some kind of virus, he (and therefore mommy) is up all night with a fever & vomiting.  And just as soon as he starts feeling better his sister comes down with it.  Arrrgh!

We left the kids with their Grandmas all day anyhow, and managed to take three good photo sets (with videos), but that’s a far cry from the 20 or so sets I planned on doing this week.  I’ve got an outdoor shoot planned for Thursday morning and (if we’re lucky and nothing more goes wrong) we may get a set or two done here at the house, but there’s no way I will come out of this week with enough content to do two exclusive updates a week through Thanksgiving.  *sigh*

So Sgt. and I are checked in to a nearby hotel for three nights to take pics for Chateau Cherie.  Day one, Sgt has to drop me off at the hotel (where I have a live session scheduled), and immediately scurry back home to do dinner, bath, and bedtime with the kids.  When he arrives back after 11pm, he’s so tired (I’d already fallen asleep) that no photos get taken.

Day two, we’d planned to make an early start of it and do a couple of sets before the live session I have scheduled at lunchtime.  This gets interrupted by a call from Grandma…my son refuses to get dressed and misses the bus, which means we have to drive back home, get him together, and ferry him to school.  Fortunately for my sanity he consented to dress as soon as Grandma told him Mom & Dad were coming home, and walked into the school with perfect docility (unlike the day last week when I had to chase him down in the parking lot and drag him inside).  I’m on the verge of tears the whole trip, thinking about how much work I’ve put into my website, how very badly I want it to succeed, and how impossible that seems at the moment, when I can’t seem to find a few uninterrupted hours to take pictures.

We get back at the hotel around 10:30…my client is due at 11:30, so no pics this morning either.  And since we have to be back home again this afternoon by three, and won’t get away until after nine, likely no pics today at all.  Again.  That leaves tomorrow, and I can only pray that we won’t be interrupted again by a call from Grandma - or worse, the school.

I try really, really hard to make the best quality porn I can…I put my heart & soul and every spare penny (because believe me, six signups a month is not anywhere near paying for what it costs to run a paysite, even on a shoestring budget) into it…and I’m really miserable right now about the corners I’m having to cut just to keep going.  I feel like Michelangelo, being forced to work exclusively in play-doh, on a table covered with cat hair.  I honestly don’t know if I can continue this way.

I spent the morning yesterday first taking my son to get blood drawn (his first time, and he was so brave!<--proud Mommy) then ferrying him to school.  Why should this take the whole morning, you may wonder?  Well, all kids are reluctant to go to school sometimes...but how many kids have to be carried in kicking and screaming?  Knowing he's an aspie helps some - at least I know where this kind of thing is coming from - but I'm still blindsided by the behavioral results.  What do you do when the kid (remember, he's six) is so set on not going to school that he’d run blindly toward the street, seemingly unconsious of any danger, rather than go inside?  And most especially (if you’re me), what do you do when a physical impairment (seriously bad knee, thanks to a car wreck a few years ago, in case you were wondering) very literally keeps you from being able to catch him?  What I did was a) spank him in the parking lot and b) have a meltdown of my own; but I waited until after I’d finally got him as settled in as he was gonna get at school and was alone in the car on my way home.

I am really, really grateful to be working in porn on days like this.  It is such a FUCKING HUGE relief to be able…no, more than able, to be required…to spend some time doing something that’s completley and utterly removed from children.

Which is not something I could articulate to my doctor when, later that afternoon, I went in for my annual physical and somewhat shyly requested that she order a complete STD screening for me.  I am not quite to the point of being ready to do partner shoots with men other than my husband but I can see that time approaching and I want to be prepared.  Not that I wouldn’t have sex with other men; I’m just not ready to take pictures of myself doing so and publish them on the internet. 

Working in porn is, in a very literal sense, good for me.  I am far more diligent about taking care of myself thanks to this career.  I wear sunscreen, eat better, exercise more, smoke less, take much, much, much better care of my skin…there’s so many things I do that I just wouldn’t bother with if I didn’t know I was going to be on camera next week, or doing a live panty mistress session tomorrow.  So when my doctor ever-so-gently suggested that there are better ways to make a living I was pretty amused.  Maybe there are ways of making a living that are better for other people, but for me this is the ideal job.  Which is why I continue doing it even though I’m not (yet) making a living at it.

And on the good side, I got my first package from Wetegg.com yesterday too, and have spent a little time getting acquainted with my new Venus vibrator.  I will need to do lots more testing before I’m ready to write my review, but I can tell you already that this one’s destined to be a favorite.

My son is six years old, smart as a whip, more stubborn than ten mules, and endearingly, wonderfully different from most children.

Last week we found out why.

After having even more trouble at the start of school this year (last year we thougt it was something he’d just grow out of; a side-effect of never having been in daycare or even babysat by anybody apart from close family)  we arranged for an in-depth evaluation for him, and the results are in.  He has Asperger’s syndrome, which is a mild form of autism.  Prior to August 22nd - the very day of my grandmother’s funeral in fact - we had never even heard of Asperger’s.  It seems like months have passed since then; my days have been so full of conferences at school and appointments with various doctors, counsellors, and specialists.

The people I’ve told so far are quick to point out (trying to comfort me I think, which I *do* appreciate) that Asperger’s is not necessarily crippling.  That in fact many very successful people (like Albert Einstein, for instance, although the condition had not been identified when he was a kid) were also “aspies”.  I know this is true, and I know my son is very smart and has every chance of growing into a contented, productive adult, but just at the moment it’s a little overwhelming for the mom & dad whose job it is to get him there.

Asperger’s, like classic autism, is a condition in which the brain is wired differently from the norm.  This difference in brain wiring makes it very easy for my boy to learn some things (like how to read and how to use a computer), and very difficult for him to learn others.  The biggest difficulty is that aspies don’t just “pick up” all the non-verbal clues which are so important in human communication, the kind of things that neurotypical people learn without ever having to be taught.  He will need special lessons to learn about things like making eye contact and taking turns in conversation or how to tell what someone is feeling by their facial expression or the tone of their voice.  And we will need to learn all this stuff consciously as well (this stuff is completely unconscious for most people), so we can figure out how to teach it to him.

Another difficulty is that aspies tend to fixate on things:  objects, people, places, and even whole areas of study.  This can be a good thing; it’s the trait that allows adult aspies to delve deeply into a subject and make great contributions to the body of human knowledge.  But when you’re six years old and don’t have the skills to communicate what’s going on, getting so upset that you run away because you weren’t allowed to put your lunch garbage in the “right” garbage bin can be very problematic.  We used to dismiss these fixations (after all, who gets THAT upset about using one garbage can rather than another in a row of identical cans?), which led to a lot of unhappiness and struggle for everybody.  Now at least we understand…but we also understand that he could go into an emotional meltdown anytime, anywhere, over things so minor to us that they are tough to identify.  We get to look forward to always being the parents of the screaming child throwing a fit in line at the grocery store, with clueless onlookers giving advice about discipline (often along the lines of “if that was my kid I’d smack him!”).  Advice that’s not only unasked-for, but also downright counterproductive.

I’ve stopped crying about this for now but I’m still reeling a little.  My job of Mommy - which I’d expected to get easier once the kids started school - has just got harder instead, and I have the expectation now that it will get harder still as my aspie boy grows up.  I can only pray that I will have the strength to get us both through the turbulent times.

My grandmother died a little after nine last night.

We saw it coming, she’d been hospitalized for nearly a month and had been in poor health for years.  But that’s not really the same as actually having it happen, is it?

At one time in my life, she was like a mother to me.  I lived with her and looked to her for everything.  At that time, she drank like a fish…was a mean drunk…and I sometimes wished her dead.  She stopped drinking about 15 years ago, and it was as if she became a different person.

In the past few years we were not as close, but she was still very much a part of my life.  She kept my son when I (and everybody else with me) went to the hospital to give birth to my daughter.  She delighted my kids with butterscotch, peanut-butter crackers, and invariably spotty (she was nearly blind and could never see the spots) apples.  She occupied my sofa and entertained us with ribald stories about the goings-on in the old-folks’ community whenever there was a hurricane.

She taught me to garden, and to cook.  She taught me about strength, determination, and discipline.  She was not perfect, she lived a life that was often hard, and I wish to hell I had written down all her stories about the old times when I had the chance.

I’ll miss you Nema.

Now that my Mom’s living with us it’s a LOT easier for me to get out of the house by myself, so I decided some time ago that when school started I was going to begin doing live crossdressing sessions.  With that in mind, a few weeks back I rebuilt my other website: www.Dress-Me-Up.com.  I also began advertising on craigslist.  And this past weekend I had my first (as a “professional” anyway) session.  I booked a room for two nights, thinking that Sgt and I could take some pictures as well.  We got settled in late Friday evening, and did one very nice set (with accompanying video) that night.

Saturday morning was my session with my new panty-boy.  He was a bit nervous at first and told me he’d never done anything like this before, but he seemed to be delighted by the silky pink microfiber briefs I chose for him.  I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say that I think I’m really going to enjoy this more “hands-on” side of the business.  ;-D

I am pretty darned excited about this new direction.  I love playing to the camera, but it’s only exciting because I can picture the viewer on the other end, getting hard and horny from watching me.  That thrill is hugely increased when the viewer is in the same room, and when I can play (so to speak *grin*) with the results it’s even greater.  And I love, love, love that I’m finally getting to enact some of my fetish fantasies. 

I’ve never been comfortable (not even online) with playing the ”cruel bitch goddess”, and I’m not obsessed enough to make crossdressing play (or fetish/bdsm play in general) the main course in my sex life, so it’s unlikely that I’ll ever gain “Dominatrix” status.  But it has been frustrating having to perpetually ignore my desires in that direction for lack of time & a partner.  Sgt. is willing to try anything, but he’s a natural Top in the bedroom and it just spoils it for me if my partner isn’t truly excited by wearing my panties.  (Or kissing my feet…or worshipping my ass…or whatever…)  I’m hoping that there’s enough guys in my area (Tampa Bay, in case you were wondering) who really are turned on by my gentler style of female domination - and who have the discretionary income - to make this branch of Chateu Cherie Enterprises rewarding both personally and financially.

 And hey, that first session almost paid for the new starter in my car.  :-p

*I’m sorry to say that, thanks to the dramatic automotive meltdown and subsequent stranding of the kids in the hotel room with mom & dad, we only did the one set of pics.  I’ve had a request for some foot fetish pics though so I think we’ll try again soon…I’m thinking this time with a stunt cock!  Anyhow, here’s a peek at the set we did last Friday, which will be published in my member’s area in a few weeks: